Written by llhargrove on Monday, 24 of November , 2008 at 1:52 pm
In my mind, it is no accident that the American holiday of Thanksgiving falls within National Adoption Month (in U.S.). With three boys, all brothers from other mothers, in the family it’s hard not to wax a little prosaic (and sappy) with thankfulness.
It goes without saying that Thanksgiving in America is all about family. Okay, some of you would say it’s about football. But hey, unless one of my sons is driving down the line with that pigskin tucked under his arm, I don’t touch the stuff.
So it is on this turkey-stuffing, football-playing, fat-gorging holiday that I say thanks to:
- Our heavenly Father (the one who adopts us, covers us with everlasting grace)
- Three birthmothers (and their friends and families) who said goodbye and never looked back
- A host of social workers who prayed and fretted with us
- Two devoted adoption lawyers who prayed and fretted and filled out the right forms
- One appeals judge who terminated the rights of a 17 birthfather who didn’t really want to parent
- Vital records workers who changed birth certificates
- Social security workers who issued ATINs and SSNs (more than once)
- Doctors and nurses (even the ones who were against the adoptions; God bless them anyhow)
- My friends and family who understood our need to parent
- Teachers and school administrators
- Neighbors and church members
- Bullies in school (may their parents teach them the importance of accepting even brothers of other mothers)
I’m sure I’ve probably left someone out. This old brain doesn’t work like it used to (before kids, that is). But I’m not complaining. I’m a mother.
Category: adoption, adoption stories, better life
Written by llhargrove on Monday, 17 of November , 2008 at 6:05 am
I frequently stumble around the Internet searching but not searching for things to write about, read about, talk about. Do you do that? You should.
Here’s something from a post on adopting from Ethiopia from A Birth Project blog that I re-stumbled upon.
It’s quite long but here’s a portion of it. Not sure I agree with all of it but it’s certainly though-provoking:
“I heard someone say that when white parents adopt internationally it is because of “racism” and for many years white Americans adopting internationally adopted many more Asian and Latino children than African children. It seems reasonable to say that these choices reflect the existing racial hierarchy in this country. At the very least, it is certainly true some white parents choose not to adopt children of African descent because they do not feel capable of dealing with the racism they know these children will confront. I thought about that comment for quite a while, and after I sat with it for a bit, I realized that, yes, racism certainly can play a part in some parents’ decisions – but what kind of racism are we talking about?
Let’s talk about the historical tension between African, Caribbean, and African American communities. There is an assumption that because black people share skin color that somehow we will all get along or that we all have the same political beliefs and cultural values, but of course, depending on a multitude of things–class, geography, culture, life experience–beliefs and values vary across black diasporic cultures. But what is common, as I mentioned above, is an experience of racism.
After slavery, when immigrant African and Caribbean peoples began coming to the United States, in exile or in search of work, Black Americans who had been here for generations had been living in circumstances that distanced them from African cultures. And just like most people of all races in the United States, many African Americans have limited or inaccurate ideas about Africa and its people. Similarly West Indian/Caribbean and African people have been fed images about black people in the United States that are not true. So when African and Caribbean people come to the United States they may not be privy to the complex dynamics and beauty of African American cultures and fall into the same trap as any other immigrant group who accept racist assumptions about Black Americans. For a complex combination of reasons, including a desire to maintain their own cultural identity or the wish to avoid being targeted by racists themselves, some African immigrants in the United States have found it advantageous to distance themselves from Black Americans and Black American cultures. Further, some African immigrants perceived as “exotic” may more rapidly gain access to privileges or class mobility long denied to African Americans burdened with less flattering stereotypes.”
My husband and I thought about adopting from Haiti. Having visited the country twice (the first time while I was desperately longing for a child), I started looking into agencies and the government’s requirements.
Thoughts similar to the ones presented in the ‘Birth Project’ article came to mind. Just because you share skin color doesn’t mean you share a common American experience. Sitting and talking with my Jamaican mother-in-law (who immigrated to the US as a teenager) has shown me that.
I’ll be brutally honest here, the whole ’seeking the exotic’ does come into play. That’s disconcerting and disheartening. What of the young black children in American that I know are still stuck in the system. They need homes too … good ones, whether the parents would happen to have brown skin or not … unfortunately these American ‘orphans’ don’t speak with a nice African accent.
Category: adoption, adoption stories
Written by llhargrove on Friday, 14 of November , 2008 at 8:00 am
“The birthmom chose us (!) and would like to meet us as soon as possible.”
This is from KiddoBeans.com, a blog on transracial adoption and parenting.
Also on the blog:
>Applying for a Shaohannah’s Hope Adoption grant (a grant program started by Christian recording artist and adoptive parent, Steven Curtis Chapman)
>Caring for hair and skin of African American and biracial children
>Q&A with the blog owner
Category: adoption stories
Written by llhargrove on Tuesday, 11 of November , 2008 at 8:06 am
The following was taken from HeartMommy.com, a Web site offering a unique gift for idea for adoptive and birth mothers
HeartMommy™ ; -A person who gives
their whole heart in love
-Nancy McCullough Cushman 2006
I am Nancy, HeartMommy to Garrett. My story is like many others.
After several years of unsuccessful infertility treatments, I wanted a child. My life included being a mother.
With complete faith, the adoption process began. Within a time period of two months, the birthparents selected us to be their child’s parents.
I was a mother on December 26th, 2002. Garrett, a healthy, amazing boy-my child!
Kim O’Berry-Price, my son’s birthmother named me the HeartMommy and herself the TummyMommy. She is a Woman of Grace.
After my son was born, I began drawing what represented the HeartMommy™ and TummyMommy to me. I have carried the drawing with me for years.
It reminds me that I am the honored person who gets to be with my son daily, enjoy his amazing spirit and see him blossom.
The years have quickly passed. I yearned to find to find my niche. With the creation of HeartMommy™, I have found my niche and my passion. This includes supporting birthmother’s post placement and educating people about the adoption experience.
As serendipity works, I have met many amazing, creative and gifted people in my life. Each person in their own way is opening my mind and doors for HeartMommy™ to grow.
Again with complete faith in the unknown, I started the pursuit of the business HeartMommy™.
The small drawing has become a line of jewelry I designed. It was created by a fine jeweler, also a HeartMommy™, in Asheville, NC.
HeartMommy™ is growing. We will soon have several products in the HeartMommy™ line, including baby items and comfort products for all mommies.
Thank you for your support of HeartMommy™!
———————————–
Thanks, Nancy, for agreeing to be on 17Seeds. Blessings to you and your business/ministry.
Category: adoption, adoption shop, adoption stories
Written by llhargrove on Monday, 10 of November , 2008 at 6:00 am
Author Laura Christianson has an Amazon store that may help you find that adoption book you’ve been looking for …
Category: adoption, adoption shop
Written by llhargrove on Friday, 7 of November , 2008 at 6:00 am
MY THREE KINGS
I have three sons. They call each other ‘brothers of another mother.’ This catchy TV phrase couldn’t be more true. These three super boys are only related by way of the sometimes rocky, but always adventurous road called adoption.
They are the inspiration for my first novel, The Making of Isaac Hunt. While writing the novel, I was surprised to discover things about myself and the big God I serve.
Read more about my adoption journey here.
Category: adoption, adoption stories
Written by llhargrove on Wednesday, 5 of November , 2008 at 7:00 am
Finally some great adoption news
Yesterday morning when I was praying I asked God that Dania not be something that God had placed before me but that I would never see fulfilled. I was beginning to wonder if he was testing me in some way and I might not see this dream realized. It is not uncommon for adoptions to have major snags and sometimes the end results are hard to swallow.
Read the rest of this Haitian adoption story here.
Category: adoption, adoption stories
Written by llhargrove on Monday, 3 of November , 2008 at 6:00 am
Court is over!!!
And she’s ours!!!
Court lasted about 1 hour and was definitely court. There was no 10 minute decision in the judges office like some lucky souls get. We sat on a low backed wooden bench in a real court room and Kostya translated the hearing.
Read the rest of this Ukrainian adoption story here.
Category: adoption, adoption stories
Written by llhargrove on Saturday, 1 of November , 2008 at 6:00 am
A poem by my 10 year old son
who was adopted at 3 days old
Ruby red
As red as blood
But as tasty as cherries
Just feeling plain mad
Just like a redhead with
Roses in her hair
Strawberries in a
Painted red bag
With a crying feeling
Inside
Category: adoption
Written by llhargrove on Friday, 31 of October , 2008 at 6:00 am
Reading, the act of gathering information from the printed word, is not so simple. In fact, reading can be a dangerous thing. It can change the course of history. It can start a movement. A revolution, however small.
There is not better way to discover the complex crazy world around us and the minds of people that tickle our funny bones or stir our consciousness than reading. In so reading, exploring, dissecting that we come into our being (or unbeing).
We have music. We have the arts. But reading shapes us like no other medium. Words are portable, more so than a tune or picture. Dogma and propaganda aside, we hope that words we read are good and good for us. Because we readers tend to read things again and again. We make a diet of ruminated words.
Before there can be good reading, there should be good writing. And before good writing, there must be good thinking. Reading (good or bad) shapes our own thoughts. Our thoughts, if rich and deep (good) enough, move us into similar definitive action.
So it was with this mindset that I announced the 17seeds’ Reading for Reconciliation initiative. Little did I know that others have had the same thoughts.
- In Australian:
- Between Japan and China:
So enjoy reading back through the October 2008 entries of 17Seeds’ Reading for Reconciliation.
Category: reading for reconciliation
Written by llhargrove on Thursday, 30 of October , 2008 at 6:00 am
Adapted from urbanministry.org
Celebrating all that makes us unique and different, [bell hooks's] Skin Again offers new ways to talk about race and identity. Race matters, but only so much-what’s most important is who we are on the inside. Looking beyond skin, going straight to the heart, we find in each other the treasures stored down deep. Learning to cherish those treasures, to be all we imagine ourselves to be, makes us free. Skin Again celebrates this freedom.
Category: racial healing, racial identity, reading for reconciliation
Written by llhargrove on Wednesday, 29 of October , 2008 at 6:00 am
************* From urbanministry.org *******************
Its a fact: We live in a divided world. Christians have become so immune to the division that we dont notice it infecting the church. But were compelled to live with a worldview that brings unity instead of division. Rediscover the power of faith as one believer crosses the color lines. Jonathan Wilson-Hartgrove realizes the need for black and white Christians to become united in a new way and now proposes a fresh vision of Christian identity beyond the confines of race. Encounter a place where believers of all races are free to be bound in Christ.
Category: racial healing, reading for reconciliation
Written by llhargrove on Tuesday, 28 of October , 2008 at 9:00 am
************* From urbanministry.org ***************
Walk into any racially mixed high school and you will see black youth seated together in the cafeteria. Of course, it’s not just the black kids sitting together-the white, Latino, Asian Pacific, and, in some regions, American Indian youth are clustered in their own groups, too. The same phenomenon can be observed in college dining halls, faculty lounges, and corporate cafeterias. What is going on here? Is this self-segregation a problem we should try to fix, or a coping strategy we should support? How can we get past our reluctance to talk about racial issues to even discuss it? And what about all the other questions we and our children have about race?
Beverly Daniel Tatum, a renowned authority on the psychology of racism, asserts that we do not know how to talk about our racial differences: Whites are afraid of using the wrong words and being perceived as “racist” while parents of color are afraid of exposing their children to painful racial realities too soon. Using real-life examples and the latest research, Tatum presents strong evidence that straight talk about our racial identities-whatever they may be-is essential if we are serious about facilitating communication across racial and ethnic divides. We have waited far too long to begin our conversations about race. This remarkable book, infused with great wisdom and humanity, has already helped hundreds of thousands of readers figure out where to start.
Category: racial healing, racial identity, reading for reconciliation
Written by llhargrove on Monday, 27 of October , 2008 at 7:55 am
************* From Urbanministry.org ******************
Tom Sine is the emerging church’s answer to Thomas Friedman, realistic yet hopeful for the future of the world and God’s people.
The New Conspirators unhesitatingly portrays how globalization threatens the integrity of ancient cultures, the economic well-being of the most vulnerable, the ecological balance of the world, and the values of Biblical faith. Yet, in the midst of challenging times, Sine brings a word of encouragement: in Christ, God’s Kingdom has already come. Christians have reason to rejoice, as they show others what it means to be part of “the new world that is already here.”
The New Conspirators is divided into five major sections, which he calls “conversations”: “Taking the New Conspirators Seriously,” “Taking the Culture Seriously,” “Taking the Future of God Seriously,” “Taking Turbulent Times Seriously,” and “Taking our Imaginations Seriously.” The first, in which Sine introduces several new streams of thought and practice among evangelicals, may be the weakest, since he does not spend sufficient time distinguishing the emergent, missional, mosaic, and monastic streams from each other. However, the vagueness of this section does not significantly affect the book’s argument as a whole: it is enough to know that changes are afoot among younger evangelicals, regardless of how they label themselves.
The second and fourth sections of the book are excellent, and are what make Sine’s book an effective response to Friedman’s works, such as The World is Flat. In these, Sine deftly characterizes our consumer culture, contrasts its values with those of the early church, and shows how changing global realities threaten to make our lifestyle unsustainable.
Between these two sections, Sine takes a step back to imagine an alternative culture, one guided more by the desires of God than the desires catered to by the “global mall.” He stresses the concreteness of the new creation - that it will be a real place, in which not only our own personal pain is healed but in which the oppressed receive justice.
Christians hope for, and are promised, a Kingdom of universal peace and justice. The Christian calling is to make this Kingdom visible now, even if only with faith as small as a mustard seed. In the final section of The New Conspirators, Sine describes the efforts of many who are living out this call.
If the last section, “Taking our Imaginations Seriously,” were all the book had to offer, it would still be worth reading. As it is, Sine’s book is both a reality check on the challenges of the 21st century and a refreshing glimpse of how God has planned to deal with those challenges. It is an invaluable resource for developing Kingdom imagination.
Category: reading for reconciliation
Written by llhargrove on Sunday, 26 of October , 2008 at 6:00 am
************** From urbanministry.org *********************
Newspaper columnist, writer and NPR commentator Patricia Raybon admits that she hated whites for years. She even tried unsuccessfully to whip up a similar rage in her parents. But anger got her nowhere. Eventually, in the philosophies of Martin Luther King Jr. and Mahatma Gandhi, she found an alternative: forgiveness. The first part of the book is a series of essays on the life experiences of herself and her father, and the racial history of the country; it ends with “Letter to My First White Friend,” a grateful acknowledgment of a white girl at her mostly white high school. In part two of the book, further essays explore the process of moving beyond hate, and the new world it has opened up for Raybon.
Category: racial healing, racial identity, reading for reconciliation
Recent Comments:
Yes, the miracle of adoption, so thankful for it and all aspects of it. Great post.
This could possibly be a factor, but most people I have heard looking to adopt...
wow, definitely makes you think. For us, we have adopted here in the US, a...
Linda- Thank you for sharing the story of HeartMommy and the opportunity for the KO Foundation for...
Thanks for making me cry. It really is a great story. Cant wait to read your book.
I remember reviewing this book a few years ago. This was one of the best romances I’ve read in a while, also...
Glad to have found your blog and, I agree, Ed’s book is well worth the read…I...
I’m very glad to know about this book! Thanks!
Thanks for pointing me here. I had posted a list of things that offend me on my blog, one of them...
Hey Linda, I’m looking forward to reading the series! :) Blessings, Ty
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